Moments

A Happy Saturday. Really, it was so happy. Usually, I hate Saturdays because we never get enough done. This past Saturday wasn't about an incomplete to-do list, it was about creating family moments. p.s. it's apple juice.

I am not usually one for long philosophical blog entries, mostly just family fluff. So, hang on. This one is long. Several weeks ago, my dear friend Marty asked me to help with her Sunday Relief Society lesson and talk for a few minutes about savoring the moments with our family and taking the time to bond and create special memories with them. I knew I could definitely improve in this area and was up to the challenge. She asked me to keep a mental list of the times I chose to "live in the moment" with my children and share during her lesson. I couldn't possibly share all my thoughts in "3 minutes max" but I had written so many notes that I didn't want to just delete it all so I am keeping it with my family blog journal.

Last week, I happened upon this description of a class that I am planning on attending:

Sometimes the role of "mother" can seem thankless and overwhelming. But our attitude can make all the difference. We are raising important people who will be all grown up before we know it. Making great memories with our kids and building great relationships now will affect our relationships for a lifetime.

I find that often, as a mom, I feel like I am just tolerating the hours from 6:30am until 8:30pm and not savoring and soaking up my children's personalities and providing rewarding experiences and silly memorable fun and not just leaving them to their own devices all day. Sure, they need unstructured play, but what children desperately crave is special time with you.

I have asked myself - Are the activities I/we participate in bringing us joy or are they just filling time? Are there things I/we could be doing better/more of/less of/ that would create more harmony in our home?

I have figured out that while it is a nice idea to say “the laundry will be there tomorrow – skip it for now and do something fun” this does not work for me. I find that if I have 5 loads of laundry in my family room waiting to be folded and a sink full of dirty dishes and assorted other mundane tasks waiting for me, I have a hard time getting on the floor and playing a game of Candyland. I just don't have blinders for those things and they drive me crazy and keep me from being able to have fun.

So, that is when I took a look at the other things taking up my time – for everyone these things are different. For some, it is getting wrapped up in Vampire love story novels (you know who you are, wink, wink) for others it is reading online, but we each have some “thing” that we choose to take us away from something else, whether it is fun with the family or keeping up on the laundry so you can use your “spare time” as family fun time. It is not that we don't have enough time, it is that we don't use our time to our best advantage.

I realized for me there are 3 R’s to making the most of moments or creating more opportunities for moments: (And I thought these up myself and didn't read them in a parenting book because I don't read parenting books...and maybe therein is the problem...)

Re-Direct: Sometimes all it takes is a shift in gears to turn a potential ugly moment into a moment to remember. Some examples:

Homework: Homework can be pure drudgery. Lindsay is at an accelerated school and the homework can be quite daunting. Especially when your 4 year old sister climbs all over you and on the table and scribbles on it. Again, hollering to get off her sister’s stuff made homework time miserable for everyone. I finally realized she wanted to feel important too and so I whipped up a homework packet for her and we sat and worked on it together and she instantly shown with pride and confidence, a moment I will treasure.

Sandwich press: Caroline was pitching a fit about what I was making her for lunch and I had resolved to look for solutions with her and not just scream back – it kept coming to this with her. So, I remembered I had this circle sandwich crimper that I never used and called to Caroline to come and help make a circle sandwich and lets together pick what goes inside it. I instantly diffused an ugly situation and made it a fun and memorable moment, making a peanut butter honey and banana circle sandwich.

Re-Vamp: if it's not working, fix it.

I find that many opportunities for moments are lost in the struggle to take care of business like picking up bathrooms and art supplies and toys. I know my kids (and probably most) have a hard time picking up after themselves and I decided to eliminate some of the problems, like systems of organization that are too hard for them to manage and so I changed it up...a lot. I re-did their bathroom so it is WAY easier for everyone to put away the masses of hair accessories and brushes and lip gloss and all the pretties in the bathroom of a house full of girls. I re-did their every day art supplies so they are readily available but neatly contained without being an eyesore. This has eliminated much of our battles so clean up time takes less time and leaves more time for fun moments.

Recognize Opportunities for Moments (like to play in the rain...)

I remember once that I heard a talk with Sister Hinckley and her daughters and it was mentioned that she tried not to say no and tried to say YES whenever she could. I have often wondered how that was possible. There are a lot of times where NO is the appropriate answer…when it is a safety concern or something. But how many times do we say NO just because it is inconvenient or would take too long or be too messy or what have you.

On Saturday, Lindsay went with me bright and early to pick up our produce co-op order and often, we go and buy a dozen donuts and bring them home to the family. Lindsay asked if we could get donuts and I realized I left without my wallet. So, newly reformed quick thinking moment seeking mom that I am, I suggested we go home and make donuts for the whole family. We have never done this before and she was intrigued. So, we got home and got Caroline out of bed, got out a can of refrigerated biscuit dough and started frying and making glaze and shaking them in sugar. Daddy was sure surprised when we went in to get him up yelling “Happy Saturday” and he came out to a fully set table complete with fancy dishes and stem glasses for juice.

Imagine a mother:

Who turns off the TV and makes origami airplanes - Who slips an extra scoop of ice cream into the bowl – where even the smallest triumphs are celebrated with sparkles and bubbly and balloons – who runs out to jump in the puddles of a rare rainstorm with her children – who uses hot pink duct tape to create a hopscotch game on the bedroom carpet. I truly believe this mother recognizes the joy of motherhood comes in moments and not over indulgence in material things but knowing they are loved by their mother and worthy of her time.

The following is from the September visiting teaching message. I LOVE these messages. They are always inspired and chosen for us, that we might know who we are and who we truly can be.

"Oh, that every girl and woman would have a testimony of her potential for eternal motherhood...Female roles did not begin on earth, and they do not end her. A woman who treasures motherhood on earth, will treasures motherhood in the world to come, and where her treasure is, there will her heart be also." -Julie B. Beck-Relief Society Gen. Pres.

Of course I am not perfect in this. I only just started realizing I needed to do better and hope for a lifetime of trying harder. But, I have truly noticed a change in me and my children, especially Caroline. She acts out in ways that I have not known how to handle and now, I have really been able unwind her tense snarliness, if that is even a word. I have TV loving kids and I have seen them playing more and not asking to turn it on as much. I didn't make a big deal about "going without TV" but just found other things to do together. It probably goes without saying that I gained additional inspiration from Nie Nie. I hope to be able to create memories and moments that we will always treasure, continuing to live, love and nurture each other.

I love you ladies!