In honor of my Mom, Sue

Today, my mom would have been 52 years old. It has been 2 1/2 years since we lost her and we miss her terribly. I miss having my mom to call 12 times a day to ask her a quick question. I miss not having her consult on decisions, like the color of our new van. I even miss her being worried about us all the time, always calling to make sure we got home OK from a trip or something like that. My girls are missing out on the best Grandma in the world, a Grandma who would show up unannounced and take them for a lunch date to MickyDonald's - as she and Lindsay called it. Who never tired of having the grand children around here house, including sleepovers. I do my best to keep her memory alive for my girls, we talk about Nama Sue all the time, things she liked to eat, her favorite colors, her favorite kinds of music. Lindsay asks a lot of specific questions, like "I know Nama's favorite color was purple. But what kind of purple? Dark purple? Lavender, what?" The other night we were driving home late at night from somewhere and Caroline was a little cranky about something. I thought she was just tired. She said, "You don't even know what I am sad about." Oh, what, we asked? "I am sad about Nama Sue." Caroline was 18 months old when she died and I doubt truly remembers her but I know that in keeping her memory alive, she knows what is missing from our lives.

Thanksgiving weekend has always marked the beginning of the Holiday season for most people. For our family, it is a big deal as well. My mom's birthday is right around Thanksgiving and our tradition is to celebrate her birthday the Sunday after Thanksgiving with family, eat all the leftovers (we usually need to make more mashed potatoes!) and we always have Lemon Meringue pie - her favorite. I think I need to make a lemon meringue pie - I didn't make one this year for Thanksgiving - I was "pied out!" Plus Molly and I were working all Friday and Saturday (We had a booth in a Holiday boutique in Scottsdale) so energy wise, I was tapped.

My mom was was the most kind, loving, generous and selfless person I have ever known. Sure, I can think back and find flaws. We all have them. She was not perfect. But, when it came to her family, friends, her church - she was always giving and always put others first. I wish she would have or could have taken more time for herself or splurged for herself more often. But, in reality, she was probably most happy when giving. Also, I know she could not afford to splurge on purchases for herself. Extra money (or money they didn't even have) always went to us girls. I think as an adult I have been able to reflect and realize how much my mom truly sacrificed to keep us girls happy and active and involved in activities.

I love my mom and miss her terribly. But I know I am lucky enough to have had about 30 years with her. It is my children who will miss out the most. Molly, Meghan, and I do all we can to keep her memory alive. And that doesn't mean a once or twice a year trip to a cemetery. It means cooking her recipes, looking at her pictures, listening to her favorite Christmas music, that sort of thing. We talk about her in daily conversation. I want my children to know of the standard she set and the legacy left by her.

I have been looking at and reading a scrapbook of sorts that Molly compiled for us for Christmas 2005, after mom had died. It is filled with, of course, the funeral program and obituary, but most importantly, it is filled with letters of remembrance from friends and family. It reminds me of things and events that I don't think about very often or quite possibly might have forgotten, like the way she liked her orange juice with breakfast (more crushed ice than juice.) I know my mom's memory will live on as we read and re-read these letters and notes. My mom had no acquaintances, everyone was her dear friend. And I think every single one of them is represented in the letters in this book. Thank you Molly for compiling it. I don't think I have ever thanked you enough. It is a valuable treasure.